Gaming musing

I was able to buy a PS3 for X-mas because I was given some unexpected cash. I really love that machine. I only own five games so far, but i’ve played a lot of them through Gamefly and rentals through the local video store. I am so bummed out that those are disappearing but that is another rant.

I currently have Portla 3, Reckoning, and Skyrim from Gamefly. I really love Portal 2, but i’ll probably return it soon because it makes me motion sick. I’m playing it on a 19 inch tv but still I feel like i’m going to vomit after about an hour or so. It takes a while for the sickness to go away. I’d like to beat it, but I can’t say it’s worth the misery.

I really like Reckoning and Skrim. I’ve always enjoyed RPGs, and I love how big and complicated these games are. I probably prefer Reckoning because it is easier. Trying to figure out what to do in Skyrim can be a bit tedious. I’m currently playing Reckoning as a pure warrior but I want to create a battle mage next. I like mixing magic and might.

I haven’t been up to date with games in a long time. My last consoleĀ  system was an NES. When I bought my iPod touch in 2009, I started buying game apps. Some of those were really fun, and it made the gaming bug bite me again. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to play new games because the controllers were so different, but I’ve managed. I’ll never be a gaming expert, but I do pretty well. I can beat some games. Some are beyond my ability. I’m fine with that.

Of course, I tend to get annoyed the the sexism of some of the gaming shit. The idea that I can’t enjoy games because I have a pussy amuses me. When people assume my console belongs to my boyfriend, I tend to get pissed. I know more men and boys play games, but for fucks sake, wake up. Just because something is male dominated doesn’t mean that women are not involved and interested. Gender stereotypes annoy me and I hate when they are thrown in my face in strange ways.




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depression is a bitch with teeth

I’m turning thirty one in eleven days. I’m not really someone who worries or whines about age much, but birthdays do trigger unhappy emotions in me. I tend to drown in my obsessive existential dilemma. I worry about all the things I haven’t done. All that I need to do before I die. I get caught up in it and I choke on it.

Life has been rather hard the last few months. Learning to survive without help from the government is tough. To have constant payments and then nothing is overwhelming. I don’t need the money to survive, but it does make things tighter. I’ve had to look at how I spend money and make many changes. I fuck up, but that is expected. Change is hard.

I’ve had a lot of illness, stress, and depression the past six months. It makes me work slower. I tend to overwork when I am okay to compensate. I’m trying to get past this, but it has been agonizing. I feel like Sisyphus sometimes, pushing that eternal boulder up a mountain. I feel like I have too much to struggle with and I feel so overwhelmed. I feel like if I talk about anything I may alienate people.

There has been a lot of cool shit in my life as well. I need to concentrate on more of that. Sadly that isn’t how my head works. I dwell on problems, and I tend to be hard on myself. I expect so much more from myself than I seem capable of. I need to let things go and just keep going forwards.

I have a book in my head that I keep playing with. I’m going to try to finish it.









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A summary of the Portland move

We’ve settled in Portland but not without a lot of problems. We moved here in a rather insane way. We saved up some cash, rented a UHaul, found a motel on, and left Ohio. Not the most sane way to do it. Most people would have flown here and found a place, then brought their things. We didn’t have the money to do that, so we just took a risk and did it. I don’t regret it, but it was extremely stressful.

It seemed like we ran into any problem possible on the road. The lock on the truck broke and had to be cut off. So we had to find a Walmart in the middle of nowhere off of the highway. The bank decided that someone had stolen a credit card and froze the account. Then in the middle of the country we ran into nasty rainstorms that had tornado warnings across three states. The wind was so strong it rocked the truck. We sat in a rest area for three hours waiting for it to calm down. It didn’t so we were forced to drive in it.

Then when we wanted to stop for the night all of the hotels in the city were completely booked because of some sports crap. We had to keep driving because sleeping in the truck was not possible. We finally found a place after fifty miles but had to pay much more than we wanted to.

Three adults squished into a cab of a Uhaul is not comfortable. I started getting sick within a day of starting. By the time we made it to Portland, my legs were two bloated sausages that I could barely move. I collapsed in bed and didn’t move for a day or so.

I was born and raised in central Ohio. I learned how to drive there and never really took any road trips because I never had cars that were capable of it. So I never learned how to drive on mountains. That’s quite a problem when you move to the Pacific Northwest. I couldn’t really drive my far share because of the fear or mountains and my legs swelling and getting stiff. This caused a ton of resentment from my roommate who had to drive more than I did. Tempers flared and we fought like miserable stressed out people tend to.

We somehow managed after four excruciating days to make it here. Then we had to rush and find a place to live. Portland is strange because most of the apartments here charge a large application fee. Usually around $40 per person. We had to be extremely picky about what places we chose because money was running out. Most of them have insane standards on the application and basically say if you have bad credit there is no fucking way they will let you in. They lie. The only place we put in the application accepted us, despite the huge amount of debt both of my friends have. We looked at a few other places but didn’t like them as much as the one we chose. One was a total crackhead neighborhood with people checking us out and being creepy as hell. It felt like we were going to be jumped just looking at the apartment. One was a nice apartment, but in a unpleasant neighborhood. One place was a bit nicer than what we chose, but we didn’t like the area as much.

I love the apartment, but certainly wish I was closer to downtown. We currently live near the Milwaukie area. In a year or two, I want to move closer. For now, it’s a convenient area and an acceptable place to be.



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Slight Changes

I slightly updated the design of the blog today. I also added a handful of links to the sidebar. These are blogs I read. Some of them are ran by people I consider friends too. If you would like to do a link exchange, just send me a email.

The pretty Detrivore banner was made by Manda of


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Stranger in blogland

I find it hard to blog now. What I used to do was just write anything that popped into my head. It was very self indulgent and probably tedious to read. I really like person blogs. I love reading about other peoples lives. I find it hard now to be so selfless about it. I’d like to have my blog not just be a long rant about how I and my life suck.

It’s hard to decide what’s useful to say. What’s interesting. I also find myself being a bit a lot less open now that I’m a business owner. It’s frustrating to know that what I say can effect sales.

I tend to avoid engaging in community interaction while blogging. I know for many people it’s exciting, but I just feel insecure and awkward trying to respond to posts. I should though. It let’s someone know that you are reading and are interested. I read a lot of blogs. Outside of livejournal, I’ve probably posted maybe a handful of comments. I’ll have to get over myself and change that.

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skin issues

Recently y skin has had a ton of problems. I think it started from the stress of moving out here to Portland, OR. Or my diet is too unhealthy. Or maybe my body is just starting to be older and bitchier. Either way, my perfect porcelain skin isn’t anymore. I have dry spots, blackheads, acne, and oil. The oil is worst part to me. I just feel slimy all damn day. Even my own oil treatments are not helping much.

So I’ve bought various stuff to try and fix my skin. Most of it isn’t much but I thought I’d talk about my experiences.

I never had a skin routine. I never had to. When I woke up in the morning I washed my face in the shower with whatever cheap body wash I had laying around. I occasionally used the St Ives Apricot Scrub because it made my skin feel cleaner. I never moisturized. I never used sunblock.

Now I’m trying to figure out how to care for my skin. Although it really is hard for me. I do not know if my skin is dry or oily.Is it oily because it’s too dry? Or just oily and dry at the same time? Or both. I don’t know.

Today I bought Neutrogena Clear Pore Astringent. I bought it because it has Salicylic Acid in it (which is an acne medication) and I haven’t had a toner in a while. I’ve used it once and liked it. After I washed my face, I used it. It tightened up my pores and stripped my face of the oil. Now a few hours later, my face is slimy again. I’ll keep using it to see if it has any effect on the acne.

I’ll try to take some photos to document any change.

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yep, yet another blog

I tend to do this almost yearly now. I’ll get excited about blogging and start posting somewhere. Then I’ll just slowly stop posting. Blogging is a strange thing to me. I feel compelled to do it, but I’ve never had any real success with it. I do because I enjoy it and because I feel a need to do it. I like to share personal information with strangers. Maybe it makes me feel a little less isolated.

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